Frequently asked questions

Who is Herbalist?
A practitioner of herbalism or a dealer in medicinal herbs.

What is sexology?
In short, sexology is the scientific study of human sexuality.

How can we make sex last longer?
Many couples are curious about how to make sex last longer. Given the statistic that the average experience of sexual intercourse is 10 minutes, the goal of making sex last longer usually lies in making foreplay last longer. So, as a couple, engaged in physical and/or emotional sexual intimacy, try to spend at least 30 minutes on foreplay: spend time talking, bonding, kissing and emphasising sensual and sexual touch on the whole body. Foreplay encourages and emphasises you, as a couple, to create new sensual touch before engaging in intercourse. Making sex last longer isn't just about increasing stamina; it's all about stimulation, variety and connection.

What is meant by healthy sexual relationship?
A healthy sexual relationship is different for every couple because every individual has differing sexual needs. While the activities involved in each sexual relationship can vary widely, in general, "healthy" sex should encompass the following:

• Both partners should feel equally pleased with the activities.
• Neither partner should feel forced into doing something they do not want to do.
• The right to say "no" to sex at any time, for any reason.
• Mutual respect before and after sex.
• Neither partner suffers a loss of self-esteem.
• Trust exists as well as openness about sexual history and current activities.

How often is normal?
This is one of the most frequently asked questions, and there is no true answer, because everyone is different. In sexology, we don't talk about what is "normal" because who defines that? What might be normal to one person, might not feel right for another. Instead, we refer to healthy sex. If you are happy with your sex life, not harming yourself or others, and satisfied with the amount of sex you're having, then you have a healthy sex life. Research indicates that the average statistic for sex is between once and twice a week, but this is variable for couples and singles, life stages and lifestyles. A lot of men (60%) and women (70%) say they would prefer more sex, though!

Does size matter?
This has to be one of the most common questions about sex. And while more men than women ask it, both are curious about the scientific answer to this question. Based on sexual physiological knowledge, the answer is no, size does not matter. Whether engaging in anal or vaginal penetration, a finger can be just as pleasurable as a penis. When it comes to anal penetration, often a finger is more pleasurable because of the dexterity a finger can provide, especially for a man that likes a stimulating prostate massage. Many women will also say that a finger is better able to tickle her fancy vaginally, especially for those women who feel they have a G-spot. The most sexually stimulating spot on a woman is her clitoris - the glans has over 8000 nerve endings alone! There is also a network of sensitive nerve endings in the outer one third of the vagina, but hardly any in the inner two-thirds. length of the penis doesn't matter physically, and girth, while it can feel pleasant for many women, feels good because the vagina will wrap snugly around the width of what ever is put in it: a finger, tampon, toy or penis of any girth. The pleasure comes from the penetration and technique, not the size. It really is about the motion of the ocean, not the size of the wave. However, for those that do say size matters, this is, like with anything in sex, a personal preference, not a biological fact.

How can I increase my libido?
It's natural for libido to fluctuate across the lifespan. After all, we're human, not machines. If you're experiencing low libido (low sex drive, low sexual desire) and this is distressing to you and/or your partner, the first step is to work out the cause of the drop in your libido. There can be many reasons for this, including lifestyle, stress, fatigue, illness, emotional upset, financial worry, relationship problems, low testosterone (in both women and men), painful sex, previous negative sexual experiences, and the list goes on. Our sexual response system is a very fragile one. Think of it like a circuit system in the body: the slightest negative thing can flip the switch from on to off, and when you experience repeated or ongoing sexual circuit flip switches to the off position it can eventually fizzle the sex drive so that the sexual arousal circuits in the body no longer spark at all, or do so only rarely. To bring the spark back to your libido, and increase your energy and desire for sex, you need to address the cause for your low libido.

Are you ever "too old" to make love?
Providing that both you and your partner are in good physical health, experts say both men and women can continue to have sex to any age. That said, the aging process itself, along with many health conditions, can make having sex increasingly difficult in later years.

However, even if intercourse is not possible, remember that physical intimacy can take many forms, and that sometimes getting older really does mean getting wiser about the many ways in which partners can bring each other pleasure.

How long does sex last?
It depends what you mean by sex! The time people devote to doing sexual things can last from a few minutes, to several hours, or even a whole day! The actual act of sexual intercourse will often last until a man has an orgasm (ejaculates or comes), although there's nothing wrong with stopping before this point.

A man might find he comes very quickly the first time he has sexual intercourse. Usually sexual intercourse lasts longer as people get more experienced and know what to expect. But with a new partner it can take time for people to get used to each other. Sex will usually be different every time - it depends on how a couple feel and what they want.

What is masturbation?
Masturbation is self-stimulation of the genitals for pleasure, which may or may not be pursued to the point of orgasm.

Can too much masturbation hurt your sex life?
As long as masturbation does not comprise the whole of your sex life, and does not take precedence over intimate relationships with a partner, then no, it is not generally believed to be harmful. That said, it is important to look at what your masturbation activities include. Is it just a mind fantasy, or are you using pornography, Internet videos or photos, or even online or telephone sex to increase your pleasure -- and does this upset your partner? Also important to consider: How much of your time do masturbation activities occupy and does it keep you from other things in your life, including having sex with a partner? If so, it can be problematic in many respects.

What is the definition of sex addiction - and what does it entail?
Sex addiction is described as an overwhelming need for sex, the pursuit of which frequently takes precedence over all other things in life, including work and relationships. Sex addicts frequently engage in risky behaviors, including not only unprotected sex, but also seeking stimulation in dangerous situations. Behavior is usually self-justified, so most sex addicts do not view their actions as problematic, though they frequently feel a sense of shame or guilt after indulging their addiction.

Behaviors associated with sex addiction include: Compulsive masturbation; multiple extramarital affairs; anonymous sex partners or strings of one night stands; consistent use of pornography; consistent need for phone or computer sex; continuous use of prostitutes; sexual exhibitionism (such as "flashing"); voyeurism (watching others have sex); stalking a sex partner.

What is the best diet for a enjoy good Sexual Health?
Fresh fruits and vegetables and lean proteins are the love ingredients. Complex carbohydrates make your love life simpler they give you the required energy. The chocolates when taken in control create the right mood lifting the libido and provide that mesmerizing start off. But excessive sugar, salt, saturated fat and highly processed foods are linked to frigidity, difficulty in reaching orgasm and lack of interest in sex and are best to be avoided.

I'm not able to have an orgasm. What can I do about it?
The inability to have an orgasm is more common among women than men, although at anytime during life, both men and women can experience anorgasmia (inability to have an orgasm). The first step to finding a cure, is to determine the cause of the problem. It could be physical, psychological or lifestyle. There might be a medical treatment, or side effect of a medication (such as an anti-depressant) that could be contributing to your inability to orgasm; there may be a lack of education or understanding about your sexual stimulation and response, anxiety, stress, relationship difficulty, or perhaps fear of intimacy. There are many causes, and each requires a specifically tailored solution for each individual or couple.

I have erectile dysfunction. Is Viagra my only option?
There are a range of medical treatments that have been developed since Viagra, in varying strengths and rates of effectiveness. There are also herbal treatments, and other medical interventions for treatment of erectile dysfunction, depending on the cause and nature of the problem. Please be aware all effective and researched treatments will be available and recommended by reputable sexologists and sexual health doctors.

What is the difference between AIDS and HIV?
HIV is a virus and AIDS is the group of disease acquired when the immune system is unable to defend the body against infection. AIDS is an advanced stage of HIV infection.

How to overcome sexual boredom in old age?
In old age it is essential for both the partners to accept the fact that the problem exists for which both have to share equal responsibility. Sometimes the same atmosphere, the same manner, the same place, increases boredom with sex; to overcome it one should try on experimenting new sexual approaches such as change of environment, reading or watching sexual materials like books, pictures, movies etc. Loss of communication and understanding between the two partners can lead to sexual boredom, hence it is important for both of them to talk to each other.

The best tip for a spiced up sex life?
You don't have to be sexually radical to revolutionise your sex life. Research shows one small change has a great effect, so the best tip for a spiced up sex life is to initiate one small change at a time. This might be trying a new position or location, or more pillow talk. Focus on all that works in your relationship, and all that you love to do together sexually, rather than focusing your energy on the problem, or what's dissatisfying. Remember that good sex is about connection - not about a formulaic single-minded goal-oriented technique-only approach to orgasm. Try suggesting that once a month, you try something new, and alternate turns. With six ideas from you, and six from your partner, you'll develop 12 months of exciting anticipation around a rejuvenated sex life. You can truly spark your sex life from sedentary to spicy with small changes.

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